“Why, Why, Why Did You Lie to Me”

Emotional tortureYou know what I think is crazy? When we torture ourselves with emotional pain when others deceive us. You know what I mean? We have all done it at some level; turned on ourselves when someone violated us, such as lying to us.

IntimidatedIt would seem obvious that when someone lies to us, that they are intimidated by us as evidenced by their efforts to conceal their deeds in the first place.

Well I wish it was that obvious, but apparently not, given that so many folks take it to heart and so personal when they learn that someone has been dishonest with them.

The first question that is always asked is “Why, why, why did you lie?” why lie

The mere fact that the question is even being asked strongly indicates emotional vulnerability; meaning what liar would provide a reasonable answer?

That is like trying to reason with the devil Reason with the devil.  Who does that other than someone who is very vulnerable?

This is the very reason why I wrote the book ABCs of Relationships: Emotional Survival Games. To this day people still fall apart, lose their minds, start cussing, fighting one another, pulling weaves out, knocking out teeth or tearing their homes apart when they learn that someone has lied to them. They react this way instead of setting appropriate boundaries and making better decisions apart from and around that person.
Sure we laugh at the guests fighting on the Jerry Springer show, but let somebody lie to you.

You’d lose your little mind as if your ear had been cut offEar cut off.

Now, I am not minimizing the damage liars can do in our lives because I know some who can cause bad and inconvenient situations for others. I have known folks to end up with messed up credit, lost houses, vehicles, jobs, reputations and even children as a result of being lied on. So I get it.
My point is that as much as it hurts and as much damage that is done as a result of deception by those we believed would never deceive us, we must recognize where the toxic behavior is coming from and realize that we have options to either continue in the toxic environment or take it as an opportunity to start fresh.

This is the middle of the road where Rotisserie Miller found herself. I call her Rotisserie because it took her several times around the rotisserie before she got a clue.

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Ms. Cynthia

Ms. Cynthia

Ms. Cynthia is a licensed Professional Counselor who has worked in various mental health levels of care to include private practice, inpatient, residential, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient, outpatient clinics and utilization management. She is the Author of "Soul Say Yes" and "ABC’s of Relationships".